Top 50 Dumbest Questions Ever Asked Online With Their Hilarious Answers

Someone somewhere once said, “the art and science of asking questions is the source of all knowledge.” Another advised we “take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know too much to learn something new.” For according to yet another fellow, “no one is dumb who is curious. The people who don’t ask questions remain clueless throughout their lives.” While these fellows are not wrong with their assertions, they’re not entirely right for their statements are seemingly suggesting that, and I quote “there are no such things as stupid questions.”

Well, there’s no gain proving stupid questions abounds, as you will get to read ridiculous and hilariously dumb questions ever asked online that will albeit, give you a good laugh here. But while am at it, I might as well re-ask this Scott Adams’ question. “If there are no stupid questions, what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” Your guess is as good as mine, now let’s abandon the preliminaries here. Below are the dumbest questions and answer sessions that took place online.

Dumbest Questions and their Answers

1. About babies, someone asked:

Question: “Why are babies so ugly when they are born?”

Answer: “How about you stay under water for 9 to 10 months then squeeze through a straw and see how you look???”

2. About a curious dog, someone asked:

Question: “Whenever I open the door to go into the bathroom my dog comes sprinting across the house and follows me into the bathroom and just sits there and waits for me and stares at me with huge brown eyes. Is that wired? Is it weird my dog likes to watch me pee?

Answer: “What’s weird is that you don’t close the door behind you.”

3. An oily face can get annoying oily responses if you want to get rid of it

Question: “How do I get rid of an oily face?”

Answer: “Getting rid of your face is not recommended. No matter how oily it is. The face serves many functions and you should not try to remove it.”

4. This question about the largest ocean on earth

Question: “How big is Specific Ocean?”

Best Answer: “Can you be more Pacific?”

Now I’m confused. Is it Pacific or Specific ocean?

5. About a wife, a man asked:

Question: “My wife change her Facebook status from “married” to “widowed,” Should I be worried?”

Answer: “She’s planning to kill you. Quick, call the cops”

6. About dyed hairs

Question: “…Is it true that if you dye your hair a week before your period the dye doesn’t colour as well?”

Answer: “It seems like most of your brain cells are already dead. So I’m sure you have nothing to worry about.”

7. Victoria Heir needed to know the best deal for her sex life

Her Question: “I’m 15 years old and so far I’ve had 18 partners in the past 2 years. Is this normal?”

The Best Answer she got: “18 partners in 2 years would be normal for a 12-year-old girl. By 15 you should be having 40-50 sex partners a year.”

8. Carlito Cool wants to shed weight. He asked:

Question: “How to lose 50 pounds in a month?”

Answer: “Amputation, do you really need legs?”

9. This interesting definition of pan-sexual

Question: “Does being “pan-sexual” mean you don’t wear pants?”

Answer: “No, it means you are attracted to pots, pans, dishes, etc…I know a girl from my school who is pan-sexual, she just got married to a betty crocker pot (a real gold digger).”

 10. How do I stop laughing at this?

yahoo question 1

11. Lol, this dude is wack. He asked:

Question: “I don’t fit in the family. I think its time to come clean with them, should I tell my parents I’m adopted?”

The answer he got? it’s below.

Answer: “No; let them keep guessing.”

12. Mike Hunt wanted to know if it’s cool to take calls from toy phones so he asked:

Question: “If a two-year-old hand you a toy phone, should you answer it? What will you do if this happened to you?”

There’s no way you can come up with a better answer than what he got.

Answer: “Oh definitely, what happens if its someone massively important on the other end?!”

13. The best name for your girl child

Question: “Is Rainbow-Trout a good name for a baby girl?”

Best Answers:

  1. “Are you a fish? If yes, I think it’s a great name. If you are a human, I would discourage it.”
  2. “I think Sockeye Salmon is a lot nicer, how about Alaskan Cod, or simply prawn for your spawn.”

14. Someone asked how to get YouTube to come film her:

Question: “I’ve been calling calling calling YouTube all day to come film me but no answer. How do other people get their videos up there? I have some really funny stuff but they won’t come.”

Answer: “You have to call 1-800-YouTube. The issue is that they are so busy that they only answer the phones at 2 am on Sundays and Wednesdays only…this way they know who the serious people are and only send the film crew out to those people. If you call at any other time you won’t even be connected through to them. Source(s): I work for YouTube.”

15. Who want’s to lose weight? here’s a way out

Question: “What can I do to lose 17 pounds in a healthy way?”

Answer: “It may not be “healthy” per say, but it is scientifically proven that most people can live normally with one arm.”

 16. About the butterflies in the stomach

Question: “Why do I feel I have butterflies in my stomach?”

The question got a witty question as a reply.

Answer: “Have you been eating caterpillars?”

17. This Question About Toilet paper in Canada

Question: “Do they have toilet paper in Canada? My dad told me it’s not part of their culture but I wasn’t sure.”

Answer: “That’s really a good question. You know, no they do not. Every time I’ve been to Toronto and other places, I’ve packed an extra full suitcase of our special European toilet paper so I wouldn’t have to use the maple leaves during my stay. First, i did try selling some rolls to my Canadian friends but they were not interested at all. Say hi to your dad, I can see he has raised his children right.”

18. Someone asked:

Question: “Which is worse, ignorance or apathy?”

Whoever it was that question originated from, was told off with the response below.

Answer: “I don’t know and I don’t care”

19. Alex nailed it! See his answer to the question below

Question: “What is the meaning of Procrastination?”

Answer: “I’ll tell you later.”

20. Really? These guys are crazy

Question: “Help I can’t get my penis out of the toaster?”

Answer: “You have to wait until it’s toasted properly, and then it will just pop up by itself.”

21. This question from another silly guy

Question: “What is the density of a penis at the melting point?”

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Answer: “Are you kidding me?? The density of a penis at the melting point?”

22. Who are these people?

yahoo 2

23. This one is probably from some dude addicted to Zombie movies. The question was:

“if I eat myself would I become twice as big or disappear completely?”

Answer: “That just blew my mind.”

Actually, the question is mind-blowing if you take the asker serious.

24. This question from a glutton

Question: “Just ate 52 pizza rolls, will I die in my sleep? There are 152 calories in 2 rolls, will I die? Oh, and I had 2 litters of coke with it.”

Answer: “You have a better chance of farting a hole through your sheets.”

25. About Bees, Someone Asked:

Question: “What kind of bees produce milk?”

My favourite Answer: “What kind of cow produce honey?”

26. And about elephants, this dude wanted to know if he can fool one.

Question: “How do I successfully fool an elephant to go to sea?”

Answer: “Promise ice-cream at the beach!”

27. About games, it was asked:

Question: “Can games bite my ears?”

While the owner of the question was cautioned to “grow up”, below is the answer that got all the attention.

Answer: You’re “probably fooled, your mate headphones don’t have teeth.”

28. Regarding evolution, people were questioned as indicated below

Question: “if evolution is true then why do pigs not have wings?”

In response, someone asked, “why would pigs need wings?” Meanwhile, the favorite answer says: “Because evolution doesn’t give you wings, Red Bull does.”

29. This question about water

Question: “What percentage of water is celery”

Answer: “Water is exactly 0% celery.”

30. Someone wants to be gay

Question: “I want to become gay, is there medicine or something for it? Is there a pill that will make me gay?”

Answer: “Yes there is, it is called gayalot. it makes you so gay, it makes you gay times 10 gay times 12…”

31. Ever wondered who Internet’s father is?

Question: “Who is the father of Internet?”

The answer is not far-fetched: “Your mother.”

32. Was this question about languages?

Question: “What’s better to learn, American, British or English?”

Best Answers: First, the brain behind the question was asked to go “learn about the basics of thinking,” while another remarked thus: “well considering American is English, you should probably jump off a bridge.”

33. About the 16th president of US, someone asked:

Question: “Was Abraham Lincoln really a vampire slayer?”

Answer: “Maybe but did you know that his supposed ghost haunts the white house. That’s a whole lot more interesting than vampire slaying.”

34. And this one about caps lock

Question: “How do I turn off caps lock?”

Answer: “It’s forever irreversible, that’s what happened to me.”

35. Here’s how we got to know the cow is the milk source

Question: “How was the routine of milking cows for milk discovered?”

Best Answer: “Guessing there was a cow molester?”

36. About “meow”

Question: “What does it mean when someone says “meow” to you?”

The Answer is quite simple: “They’re cats.”

37. Alcohol and sadness, is this as well your problem? Here’s a solution

Question: “I will feel happy all day but when I drink I start to feel sad…Is there a reason for this?”

Answer: “You aren’t drinking enough.”

38. Poor Lassie, She’s worried about his elder brother

Question: “I’m 11 and I have mine (period) and my brother is 17 and he hasn’t got his yet? Takes longer because he’s a boy?”

Answer: “Yeah, it just takes longer for a boy.”

39. This dude wants more. He asked:

Question: “Is there any kind of food or drink that’ll make your penis larger in width?”

Answer: “Goat urine.”

40. About midget having night visions

Question: “One of my friends told me that midget has night vision…I know a little person from my school so I called him up and asked him. He didn’t say anything and just hang up so…Can anyone help me?”

Answer: “Yeah they actually do. It’s a genetic advantage to make up for their lack of height when hunting in the open field, it’s lethal.”

Check Out: Top 20+ Wise, Stupid And Rib Cracking Quotes Of Robert Mugabe

41. Turning computer monitor into a mirror

Question: “Hi, does anyone know if it’s possible to use a background that would essentially turn my computer monitor into a mirror? Scanning a mirror doesn’t work.”

Answer: “This is funny on so many levels. I can’t believe you attempted to scan a mirror!”

42. Credit cards and computers

Question: “I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so I put it in the CD ROM, and it got stuck. How do I get it out? I tried toothpicks but lost them in the process. Also, the drive is making noises.”

Answer: “Why would you do a thing like that? A credit card is magnetically read whereas a CD is optically read. Your drive is probably if it will not open and is making strange noises. One thing you could try is sticking a paper clip inside the small hole in the front, that will open the drive. If it doesn’t open, you may need to purchase a new CD drive and install it or have someone install it.”

43. This is silly, very silly.

yahoo question

44. This question about our planet

Question: “Why doesn’t the earth fall down.”

Answer: “Because it can fly.”

45. About being possessed by the devil

Question: “How do you know if u’re possed by the devil, are their any signs [SIC]?”

Answer: “Yes. Inability to spell.”

46. If you can’t swing like spider-man, you’re okay

Question: “So I was sitting around then I felt a tingling pain on my toe, I looked seeing a very small cut with two small holes…was it a bite? Was it just a household spider? Did I get bit by a spider.”

Answer: “Try jumping from a roof to another roof, if you make it, you were bitten by a spider, but if you don’t, then it won’t matter anymore.”

47. This question about being right

Question: “What’s another word for knowing that you’re right?”

Answer: “Woman”

48. The best way to be a Fan

Question: “I would like to be a Justin Bieber fan. Currently, I am Jack Norris and I would like to switch to Justin Bieber. How can I successfully achieve this goal?”

Answer: “Lose all brain functions. Maybe sustain a pretty substantial blow to your head.”

49. What India is good at

Question: “What does India produce more of?”

Answer: “They produce more Indians than any country on earth.”

50. About attractive guys

Question: “Does finding another guy attractive means I’m gay?”

Answer: “Yes, it’s the first step on the journey.”

Bet you had a good laugh huh? Now before you ask your next question, take your time and think it through. As often said, “your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.”

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Nedu Raymond
Nedu Raymond
An advocate of closed-back headphones, horror movies, and dark humor; Raymond believes Peter Griffin and Stan Smith should be real people. Outside of having to write, edit, and work on other forms of content, he may keep up with the EPL or listen to everything Eminem and Jon Bellion.


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