Okay, this piece on misleading assumptions about marriage is not just for the ladies, you guys need to read it too. It does not take a genius to diagnose some of the things that have been carefully analyzed in this article and it does not equally have to be solved by an expert, it just requires us to be fully aware of what marriage entails and what it would demand from individuals who go into it.
Most of the highlights made on this subject are based on experiences garnered by observation especially on the marriage issues that couples encounter daily and the countless marriage dispute resolutions. Remember that some of these issues may not apply to everyone but rather each to his/her own issues. Find which one applies to you and try to make adjustments that will make your marriage the happily ever after you dreamt of.
Misleading Assumptions About Marriage
10. The Very Strong Believe In Happily Ever After
First of all, it would take a miracle to bring this hope to reality. The happily ever after is a wish and has always been a defining quality of movies, romantic novels and very vivid imaginations.
So you think you and your spouse will experience endless happy days, no bitter moments, and no disputes, really? Better wake up! As soon as the honeymoon is over, there are jobs to attend, children that will come in the marriage to deal with, illness, bad moods, environmental issues, finances and the list is endless that may affect the desired every moment happiness.
Now unless you create margins for these variables and develop strategies to cope with them, wonderland experience is definitely not going to be forever. Some are so unlucky that their sorrows begin long before their honeymoon is over. Make up your mind to constantly be the author of your dream marriage and just maybe, you would get a happy one but it definitely won’t be a happy marriage all through.
09. My Partner Will Never Cheat On Me
We have only one question for people with this particular mindset – ‘Is that Partner Human? We still don’t get what makes people imagine that individuals who have no discretion in their sexual values before marriage would suddenly grow those values overnight. Or that those who have never had multiple relationships would not do so just because they now wear a ring proclaiming they have been hooked? News flash! There are sexual predators that specialize on going after married people only. Those ‘working class ladies/men’ whose sole job is to ensure that your partner will never attempt faithfulness much less succeed.
08. The Main Aim Of Marriage Is To Bear Children
If the strongest reason why you want to get married is to have children, you may want to have a re-think. Why? We all go into marriage with the assumption that we will bear children when we want to and in our desired sex distribution.
But then life happens, and we realize that those matters are much deeper and more mysterious than intimacy and that we have very little control over our ability to procreate in a marriage. It is quite sad that the issue of childlessness is one of the things that tears up a marriage faster than you think it could possibly end. It wakes a many to the reality that marriage has other purposes.
07. ‘When We Get To the Bridge, We’ll Cross It’ Way Of Handling Issues
Issues that linger are always the ones that destroy. Whoever said it is best to tackle it when it becomes obvious, is a lier! Please try as much as it’s within your power to resolve every single issue you can imagine before getting married. Yes, you heard well, its best to table all issues that could possibly constitute ignorance in a court of law, this way, you will know if there should be a marriage at all.
You might want to come to a conclusion about things like sex, frequency of intimacy, sexual compatibility, finances, household chores, relationship with in-laws, belief in God, career advancement, location of the home, educational pursuit, vacations, conflict resolution strategies in the home, family bank account, how to discipline the kids, relocation of the family if the need arises, disclosures of all kinds and frankly, the list is inexhaustible.
If you fail to resolve the issues before commencing the marriage journey, when you do get to ‘that bridge’, you will find the bridge was never constructed and now you have to swim treacherous waters. Couples must ask those tough questions at some point. They can choose to ask them before the marriage (which would save a lot of heartaches), during the marriage (and hopefully salvage it) or after the marriage during a ‘what went wrong’ analysis of it.
06. I Don’t Love Him/Her But Love Will Grow In The Marriage.
This is really hilarious. Yes, love grows, but it has to exist first. How can something that does not exist grow? Agreed, this was how our parents used to get married. The elders would tell them, love isn’t important right away and it worked out really well for them but come on, this is the 21st century! Will it come with time? Well, guess what? It never does. If you don’t love someone today, you are not likely to love him/her forever. Those who make the mistake of loving people’s status, wealth, looks, dress sense, mannerisms, intelligence and indeed all other things that can change in a moment soon find out that love for the individual in question is more critical than any other factor even though it is not the ultimate.
See Also: 100 unique Wedding Vows For Him or Her
05. Marriage Will Complete Me
This one is actually absurd. We find this assumption hilarious as each person is coming into the marriage expecting so much from the other that everyone forgot they needed to come complete and not half-baked. True, we should complement each other in marriage. But when couples start a marriage with an entitlement mentality that the other person is supposed to complete you…we have a fresh recipe for disaster.
It would be better for couples to come into the marriage with solid mental/emotional balance so that there would be less room for unnecessary expectations. Everyone should work on his/her emotional intelligence and increase their level of sensitivity so that even when you do not have the solutions to a spouse’s issues, it could be seen that concern is shown about it.
04. Endless Sex Time
Really? the last time we checked, married people are the busiest people. Please don’t find out too late about stress that can affect the sex in the marriage, a disagreement that makes couples not want to even be in the same room let alone share intimacy as well as health concerns like pregnancy period and the moments after delivery. Not forgetting people settling into the marriage and taking each other for granted; others using sex as a tool for punishment, negotiation, and deprivation; or one person just losing the sex drive altogether for no plausible reason other than the psychological.
If people do not prepare for these possibilities, they may grapple with them when confronted with the harsh realities.
If you intend to get married for this reason alone, you may want to consider getting a dog or better yet, a bigger better-performing television set instead. That gadget is somewhat a more desirable companion sometimes than any human. Still asking why? You see, your TV won’t judge or misunderstand you sometimes. The greatest tragedy in life is to be lonely in the company of someone you are married to or hope to get married to. In fact, being single is better than the toxic company of a spouse.
02. He/She Will Change After Marriage? Think Again
Change is constant until it’s not. Yes, she will change because soon she will have a baby and grow fat, yes he will change because soon his tummy will look like yours did when you were 9 months heavy. But wait, that’s not what you meant. You mean they will stop doing that one thing that annoys you the most or starts doing that thing your ex-lover was doing, that made you love him/her, well guess what you did not marry your ex, so get over it.
01. Love is all we need
Get it right. Love is not ENOUGH! Many people make this mistake. Now, we are not saying that people should set unrealistic margins like ‘my partner should be making this much money or so’. But it’s also a disaster to marry without giving due importance to finance. In the end, it is mostly about the rent, fees, levies, expectations, and the other things about the good life that money can acquire. Some people say money can’t buy you happiness. But neither can poverty. The way we see it, it is much easier for people to love, respect and be at peace with one another when everyone’s needs are met, than when people are hungry, homeless and things are rough all over.
Finally, it is these kinds of assumptions that result in the increasing divorce rate among young couples. We particularly like the part where couples dance during weddings. They look so happy, everything is sweet. Fast forward a few years together and the same people are not able to have a decent conversation, are inflicting grievous bodily harm or even killing each other.
Hello? Does anyone still think marriages are fairy-tale, Alice in Wonderland experiences? Just to be clear, when marriages are started, you will either be giving or receiving a wedding ring, suffering or torturing. Frankly, individuals have to decide which kind of ring they want.