While being in a relationship can be hard, getting out of one is even harder. There is no universal formula to get over a relationship, there’s no formula to make yourself feel better – especially if the break-up was not mutual.
However, there is a formula to get over your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. No one is saying it’s going to be easy; it takes time, patience and a lot of willpower but don’t let it deter you, it’s always best to be able to move on. While there is no universal formula on how to get over your ex as well, the steps listed below have definitely worked for most people
1. Allow Yourself To Be Sad
There’s nothing wrong with mourning the end of a relationship regardless of how good or bad it was. Don’t rush yourself into forgetting your ex, it doesn’t work like that – you inadvertently end up paying them more mind. Just work through it naturally, find things to occupy your time – you’ll be surprised how you move on effortlessly.
Note: You’re allowed to grieve but don’t spend too much time on it. It is important to know when to move on.
2. Get A Makeover
This is not for them, this is for you. A new look will make you feel better about yourself. Hit the gym, go for a run. You might be wondering how this helps you but the truth is, if you spend time focusing on bettering yourself, you forget to ‘miss’ your ex. Also, when you hit the gym and begin to succeed at your goals whether its to lose weight or build muscle, you begin to feel better about yourself and you begin to care less about the ex.
Bonus: You get to look drop dead gorgeous when next you run into them. Again, working on yourself is not for them (it’s for you), but it still wouldn’t hurt to see the expression on their faces when they realize you’re doing better without them; by then, you probably won’t care anyway.
3. Go Out
Do those things you’ve been meaning to do but didn’t have the opportunity to do because you were in a relationship or it just wasn’t for the other person. This is your chance to try new things and rediscover yourself, it’s all incredibly fun and a guaranteed way to get over your ex faster. Who knows you might meet someone new while trying something new.
Bonus: Try something you never thought you would.
4. Hang Out With Friends
In the same vein, hang out with friends that you may or may not have ‘neglected’ while you were in a relationship. If they are true friends, they will be supportive; if they are not, make new friends. Spend time with family as well. Catch up with loved ones but avoid talking about your ex or the breakup. Focus on them and what you missed while you were ‘away’.
Tip: Avoid friends who are friends with your ex, you don’t want to keep tabs on them anyway. It’s best to be in the dark on what they are up to.
5. Cut Off Contact
No matter how great your ex was, don’t try to be friends with them after a breakup. It’s easier to move on when you’re not bumping into them all time, trying to hang out or make everything ‘normal’. Don’t hang out with his/her friends. Don’t text him/her about an inside joke. Do none of these.
You can even go to the extreme if you want to and unfriend them on Facebook and unfollow them on Instagram. Whatever you do, set clear boundaries. Out of sight, out of mind.
6. Be Accurate With Your Memories
Don’t focus on only the good or only the bad. If you focus on only the good, you’ll end up missing them more – if you focus on only the bad, then you’ll end up resenting yourself for wasting time with them. Getting over an ex proves to be especially hard when you idealize what you had and only remember the good times. You need to also remember what caused the break up in order to move on.
7. The Reminders Must Go
This should go without saying but too many people hold on to past mementos from previous relationships and that just holds them back. You can either return their things (through a friend), or leave them on the sidewalk (only if they are not important), but hanging on to things that bring back fond memories of said relationship helps no one – especially you.
8. Get A Pen And Paper
If you find out that you’ve been talking about your ex A LOT, maybe it’s time to give your friends a break and give your journal some attention. Truth is, no matter how frustrating a situation might seem, writing it out almost always helps a great deal; it is definitely better than calling or texting your ex and wearing down your friends.
9. No Regrets
Spending time regretting the break up is the best way to remain hung up on your ex. The best to way to move on, however, is to remind yourself that it was for the best. If you stop over analyzing the break-up and trying to figure out what you could have done better to save the relationship, you’ll be over your ex before you know it.
10. Stay Single
Contrary to popular belief: the best way to get over someone is not to get under someone else – that’s just a recipe for an emotional disaster. Your next relationship shouldn’t be you trying to rebound, it should come when you’re fully healed and excited for a new love. Use this time to rediscover parts of yourself that got buried during your time in your last relationship. Make yourself the priority, there’s nothing wrong with that.