Getting into a relationship can be fun, exciting, daunting, exhilarating and even a little scary. The truth is when in a relationship, people have the tendency to evolve and sometimes lose themselves.
This is not completely unusual but when you grow older, your behaviour in relationships grow with you. You begin to make wiser choices regarding the type of relationships you’re in, wiser choices regarding your partner and wiser choices regarding yourself.
There are also several things you stop doing in relationships as you grow older. So here are ten things people do not do in a mature relationship.
1. They Don’t Give Up Their Independence
Usually, no one intends for this but it happens rather slowly and it happens eventually, especially with young love, people tend to lose their autonomy and build their lives and make their choices around their partners and significant others.
However, the older you get, you appreciate your independence and your autonomy – this is mostly because you’ve worked hard for them. After working hard to stand on your two feet and be in charge of your life, no mature person will allow the fact that they are in a relationship to take that away.
No mature person will allow their partner make all the decisions where they are involved either, as this is a huge part of giving up independence.
2. They Don’t Sacrifice Their Friends And Family
Once a lot of people get into relationships, they begin to spend less time with their friends and family and more time with their new partners, it is actually not that uncommon.
However, once you’re older, you realise that no relationship is worth sacrificing the relationship you have with your friends and family.
A mature person finds a way to create balance, to equally spend time with their friends and family and their new significant other. It is always important to make time for your loved ones as they will be the ones there for you whenever your partner is not.
3. They Don’t Change
Mature people don’t change who they are to become the perfect person for their new boyfriend or girlfriend. It is not uncommon to ‘tweak’ your interests or pretend to be interested in something you’re not just to appeal to a new love.
However, when you change almost everything about yourself just to catch another person’s interest – that is where the problem is. When you’re in a relationship, you should always be yourself; it is more rewarding to have someone love you for who you are than who you are not.
If you meet someone who doesn’t appreciate all your charms, interests and wits – then they don’t deserve you, just try your best to move on. Be assured you will meet someone who will love you, just as you are.
4. They Are Appreciative
In a relationship, sometimes things get so comfortable that people tend to stop appreciate the small moments with their partners, the I love yous and all the hard work required to stay in a relationship.
But then, after going through a series of relationships (and coming out stronger for it), mature people now know to always appreciate their partners.
They don’t hesitate to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ when necessary. They always see the value in every ‘I love you’ and they never stop trying to be deserving of their amazing partner. It is acknowledging things like these that keep a relationship moving forward.
5. They Keep The Relationship ‘In-House’
When in a relationship, telling everyone everything about your relationship is the very opposite of ‘mature’. The appropriate thing would be to keep the relationship between you and your partner. You learn to share all your successes together and all your losses; you become each other’s biggest cheerleader.
And, when things are not going so well and you begin to have problems, you solve it together. You don’t go telling your brother, mother, cousin, best friend, priest and boss of all the things your partner has done to offend you. This highly affects their opinion of your partner and will then affect your opinion of your partner when none of your friends like him or her…or things can go the opposite way and affect your relationship with your friends and family when they don’t like your partner. Either way, keeping things in house is always the best.
6. They Take The Good With The Bad
Simple truth: no one is perfect. There will never be anybody that will be 100% everything you want. Even when you find the most amazing people, they still come with flaws. So in a relationship, the truly wise thing to do is to never focus on their negative habits and nitpick everything your partner does that you don’t like. Think about it this way, how would you like if the person that is supposed to love you and be your pillar constantly
So in a relationship, the truly wise thing to do is to never focus on their negative habits and nitpick everything your partner does that you don’t like. Think about it this way, how would you like if the person that is supposed to love you and be your pillar constantly criticises you?
It will affect your self-esteem when the person you trust the most sees only flaws where you’re involved. Don’t think you’re perfect either – so if your partner learns to love you with all your flaws, the least you can do is to return the favour. Focus on what made you fall in love with them in the first place, focus on the good a lot more than the bad.
7. They Don’t Give Up Anything
In a mature relationship, you’ll not be required to give up anything. You won’t have to give up your happiness, your dreams, your self-respect or your goals. A good and healthy relationship encourages you to be happy and if that means chasing your dreams, that promotion at work or your favourite hobbies, then so be it.
In a good relationship, you will never be asked to sacrifice your happiness for another person’s own. When sad, your partner should be the one making you feel better not the cause of it. You will never be asked to sacrifice your dreams and goals as well. In doing so, you will lose your self-respect in the context of that relationship, that is one thing a good relationship should never take from you.
Instead, a good relationship will seek to build you up rather than tear you down. So if you find yourself giving up any of these things, you need to reevaluate your relationship. Of course, no relationship is a bed of roses but in a functional, loving and mature relationship, you will never be required to give more than you possibly can.
8. They Can Stand On Their Own Two Feet
In a good and mature relationship, you don’t feel the need to always be in communication with your partner, you are capable of standing on your two feet. You appreciate your time away from your partner whether it is simply reading a good book or going to the gym or hanging out with your friends. You learn to build a life with them and still have one without them, your life should never revolve around your partner.
The unfortunate thing is that not every relationship is the one. So if you build your life around someone who is not the one, you will feel empty and broken when the relationship ends, you’ll find yourself having to start over from scratch when you didn’t need to put yourself in that position. You will have to relearn how to be on your own again. So instead of putting yourself through all that stress, you should learn to be able to stand on your own even when you’re in a relationship.
9. They Trust
Mature people are capable of trusting their partners, even though they’ve been hurt before. They understand that not everyone is the same and even though their previous partner hurt them, it doesn’t mean their next partner will.
They understand they don’t have to be in constant contact with their partner, monitoring them. They also understand that no one is perfect, and the possibility of their new partner hurting them exists and in the event of that, they know how to handle that like a reasonable person. But before that, they will not let paranoia keep them from enjoying the beautiful parts of their relationship. Being able to trust your partner is a key ingredient to a mature relationship.
10. They Are Reliable
There are many things mature people don’t do in relationships, but one thing they actually do is ensure that they are reliable. For a mature relationship to be effective, the partners need to always be ‘present’. They should always have their partners backs, no matter what. They should always be there for them when they are feeling down as well.
Truth is, you should be able to count on your partner no matter what, and they should also be able to count on you as well. Your partner should be the most trustworthy person in your life, they should be your ‘ride-or-die’.
Everyone deserves love like that, and that type of love will always be found in a mature relationship. It is not easy being the most important person and the most reliable person in someone’s life; nevertheless, if you love them enough, it won’t matter, you’ll always be glad to.